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Moishe and Sophie
Go On a Rally

A mink is draped over the third chair, a Tupperware tub of chicken soup and a clipboard are on the floor between the front chairs.

Moishe and Sophie approach the "car" from behind, pantomime getting in the "car", and sit down.

Moishe has route instructions in his hand. Sophie walks in with a clipboard.

Both characters speak with a thick Hebrew accent.

Sophie: So Moishe, do you have those, those Route Instructions.

Moishe: So Sophie, how do you think we're going to do this Rally? Without Route Instructions maybe? Let's get started

Moishe hands over the route instructions, Sophie puts it on the clipboard. Moishe starts pantomiming driving motions.

Sophie: So what's this transit zone here? I never took public transit in my life.

Moishe: Now Sophie, didn't you hear that redhead in the novice school? We can go any speed we want in a transit zone.

Sophie: But Moishe, not so fast, not so fast... No matter what the little shiksa told you.

Moishe: Now Sophie, this is a Lincoln Continental, the best car on the road.

Sophie: Ok, Ok, but close the window before you lose your toupee again.

Moishe: So what's the next instruction Sophie.

Sophie: SAP at Stop.

Moishe: How rude of that putz Clint Goss to be calling us SAPs.

Sophie: Now Moishe, he's just a goyim. What do you expect?

Moishe: So now what are all those cars sitting at this sign End Odo Check. Perhaps we should stop?

Sophie: Now Moishe, you promised you would get me to Loehman's by 2 O'Clock. We have the Finklestein's party tonight and I have to get a new dress - I can't let Naomi Finklestein out-do me with one of her schmatas. So just keep going.

Moishe: Enough about the Finklesteins. Let's pay attention to the rally. So what is our CASE here.

Sophie: It says CASE 36.

Moishe: So did you figure out what speed I should go with that, you know, correcting factor.

Sophie: Oy, Moishe, this is too complicated for me. Now if Joshua, our jewel of a grandson were here, the apple of my eye, maybe he could figure it out.

Moishe: Sophie, he's only six years old.

Sophie: Ah, but YOU KNOW he's going to be a dakta. And the way you're driving, we're gonna need a dakta. Thank heavens we've got a Pause here. You want a little chicken soup, maybe?

Moishe: Please Sophie, I'm driving. You think John Buffum eats chicken soup when he's driving.

Sophie: That's why he's so thin. He doesn't have a navigator like me.

Moishe: Sophie I see one of those checkmarks. Quick, give me a reading.

Sophie: I'll give you a reading! Just pull over and let me go back to the checkmark car.

Moishe: So I suppose you want your mink to go back to the checkmark?

Sophie: Of course, Moishe. Naomi Finklestein could be there. An how would I look without my mink? And while I'm gone you just THINK how hard I worked to make that chicken soup. And there's a little brisket in the back seat too.

Moishe: Please Sophie, I'm busy. I've got to read the next instruction

Sophie leaves for the checkpoint car.

Moishe picks up the clipboard and reads: SAP at T?

Moishe scratches his head. Then the chicken soup on the floor catches his eye. He looks around furtively to see if anyone is watching, then takes a sip, replacing it on the floor quickly as Sophie returns.

Sophie: Look Moishe, they said we didn't do so bad! We only got 649 points!

Moishe: So I was talking to John Buffum. Maybe next time we should try a PRO RALLY!

Sophie: OYY!

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